I was recently invited to a friend from school’s hen party. Or should I say hen weekend. For that’s really what it is. A Friday-till-Sunday all-consuming drink-fuelled, money-sucking bonanza. I don’t want to say too much about this particular event here as I really don’t intend to upset anyone. But the whole episode has got me thinking generally about hen parties, and how much they seem to have morphed from a simple gathering of close friends to these costly, neon-tutu-clad weekends of mayhem and hysteria.
Edinburgh seems to be quite a popular destination for hen parties – if you take a walk around town late on a Friday or Saturday evening, I guarantee you will see at least one or two. They are usually pretty conspicuous – all you need to do is look for a big group of women, all wearing several bizarre items of clothing in common and all screeching at the tops of their voices, usually at innocent passers-by. This makes me *cringe*. It’s commonly pretty clear that these groups are radiating from other parts of the country, judging by the diverging accents drifting out of the various fluffy pink scrums – so not only are the people in question paying for a night out, they are also probably paying to travel to, stay in, and survive in Edinburgh (meals and drinks probably being the main expenditures) for a whole weekend. It’s also my guess that in 9/10 cases each person pays for herself.
So just when did it become acceptable to demand that your friends fork out hundreds, yes *hundreds* of pounds for your hen party/weekend/week-long trip abroad? Call me a killjoy but THAT AIN’T FAIR. Of course I’m happy that my friends are getting married, and of course I want to be involved in the celebrations, but does that automatically mean I’m willing to part with an obscene amount of money? No it doesn’t, simple answer.
And it’s not only the money. Is it really reasonable to assume that your friends are willing to sacrifice whole weekends, or even longer periods of time to travel to another part of the country (or the world) just to celebrate your getting married? Something weird seems to settle over a certain type of female when she becomes engaged – like the placing of a rock on her left hand is the key to unleashing the selfish ‘it’s all about me’ monster that has hitherto been lurking just beneath the surface. And some bridesmaids take the responsibility of organising and executing a hen party as a rush of blood to the head, which gives them the authority to prescrible what happens, where it happens and how much it costs everyone. A friend of mine is also in the midst of some testy hen weekend negotiations at the moment, with the bridesmaid (from hell, I should add) in question mandating that everyone not only pays their own way but that they also pitch in to pay for the bride! Yes you read right. So as if it wasn’t galling enough to pay for travel to another city, two nights’ accommodation, meals and drinks, those involved have also been burdened with paying for someone else to do just that as well! I find that more than just slightly infuriating. But what happens if you decide (quite rightly) to stand up in the face of this tide of emotional blackmail? Well, as my friend has experienced, a severe guilt trip of the ‘you’re ruining the happiest time of her life’ variety, followed by a severe cooling of relations. People can be so charming, can’t they?
Now I fully understand that to some people I probably sound like a complete spirit dampner, and for this, I do (kind of) apologise. But in truth I’m not fundamentally anti-hen party at all. I was bridesmaid to one of my best friends in November, and for her hen organised a brilliant (if I may say so) mad hatter’s tea party, followed by food, drinks and games back at her place. The cost was roughly £15 per head, and the event took up a single Saturday. It suited the then bride-to-be perfectly, and it meant that everyone she had wanted to come could be there – there were no qualms about money, and family members who without doubt would have rejected a boozy weekender were able to join in without feeling either awkward or uncomfortable. And isn’t that the whole point of the exercise? Spending some quality time with your closest females, chatting, laughing and generally having a great time?
What I hate is the expectation that we should all be willing to throw bags of our money and great chunks of our time away at someone else’s whim, as though we don’t have our own lives to lead and better things to spend our hard-earned cash on. Saying no to over the top hen parties doesn’t mean you’re not happy for your friend to get married, it just means that you won’t be subjected to the kind of emotional bullying that goes on by haughty brides and bridesmaids up and down the country. People need to realise that yes, you love and support them in their life choices but no, that doesn’t mean that you are willing to bankrupt yourself to help them celebrate those choices.
There are so many fun-filled ways to have a hen party that don’t cost the earth. Have a sleepover and paint each other’s nails, have a movie night with your closest friends and make your own snacks, go to a show, have a barbeque, have a night out in your own city and create a kitty for the drinks. My favourite idea (which one day perhaps I will put into practice) is to have a big game of rounders in the local park, followed by huge plates of low-cost grub and a few glasses of wine back at someone’s house or flat. Cheap, fun and with the added bonus that everyone can go home when it’s over.
So any brides-to-be (or crazy bridesmaids for that matter), listen up: will the wedding really suffer if you can’t jet off to Dublin, or Magaluf with your girlfriends to celebrate it? Of course it won’t. Give your friends a break and stop being so demanding. They will still have to pay for a wedding present (we’ll get to that later); transport to and from your venue and possibly accommodation for that matter as well. Then there’s the small matter of an outfit. Take this into account when planning your hen parties and try not to forget that other people have lives, and financial responsibilities as well!
Thankyou.
Image above from Flickr – Express Monorail. I used this picture because everything that came up under a ‘hen party’ search made me feel nauseous.
