A Domino Effect

Noah and the Whale is yet another party I’m late to.  Nevertheless, I absolutely adore this song, and have been listening to it constantly over the past weeks.  It makes me want to wear cut-off denim shorts, camp on the beach with my friends, grill some burgers on a barbeque and paddle in the sea as the sun goes down.  Awesome.

What are you listening to at the moment?

I was so busy eating cheese I didn’t even realise it was the weekend again.  Go figure!  Also last week, I signed myself up to run a 10K in October, spent an inordinate number of hours on the train, enjoyed a trip to the pub with some old, old friends and bought some bunting to hang in my bedroom.

I must apologise, however (and again), for my lack of posting.  After saying I was back and ready to blog regularly, I promptly disappeared, which is more than a little bit rude.  I blame my friends: ever since I told them my relationship had ended my diary has filled up quicker than my shopping basket does when the “reduced to clear” shelf is full.  This week, I didn’t have time to pause and breathe until it was Friday night, I was so busy eating (mainly cheese) and jigsaw-ing and cinema-going.  These people are wonderful, however, and kind and funny and generous with their time and their ears and their homes.  Whenever I’ve had a dull or a sad moment, one of them has – most of the time unwittingly – done something to change it almost immediately, whether that’s been an invitation to dinner, a silly email or an “I’m baking cakes for you” text (my sister).  I don’t say it nearly enough, but I have some pretty amazing friends, family and colleagues.  Job done.

But I am still here, with my teeny tiny netbook and my wayward, incoherent thoughts, more of which will hopefully be forthcoming next week.  For now, however, because it’s Saturday and because I’ve read some awesome things on the internet recently that I wanted to share, I thought I’d resurrect my ‘something for your coffee break’ series.  Perhaps for one week only.  Make the most of it while you can…

Elise recently posted a list of some of her favourite blog posts of all time.  They were all fantastic, but this one really struck a chord with me.  It’s not going to turn out the way you thought.  I had somehow forgotten just how true those words were, and I’m so glad she reminded me of them.

10 things to do alone that are better than hanging out with that guy again.  Trust me, this is brilliant and funny and not at all self-help-y.  Go read.

My go-to blog of the moment is this one.  I’m constantly writing snippets from it on post-it notes and in my journal.  This list of 101 life lessons is so true:

“Everyone says love hurts, but that’s not true.  Loneliness hurts.  Rejection hurts.  Losing someone hurts.  Envy hurts.  Everyone gets these things confused with love; but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.”

This post made me laugh this week.  Observations of a first time viewer.  I feel this way about many, many films (including Die Hard, most probably) but I doubt I could ever express it this well.  Via A Safe Mooring.

Adulting is a brilliant blog, full of shrewd yet sassy life advice.  This is just one example of its genius, but I’d advise reading a few to get the jist.

Finally, how to road trip solo, via the ever-awesome Yes and Yes.

This weekend my sister is visiting.  I’m envisaging carrot cake muffins and lots of talk about craft projects, books and baking.  Have a great weekend friends, I hope it’s sunny where you are.

Image above from here.

I’d been fascinated by the idea of green smoothie breakfasts for a loooong time.  It was Rachel who initially got me thinking about them, but it was a truly disgusting hangover I had several weeks back (you know, the “I’m never drinking again, DETOX, DETOX!!!” kind) that actually propelled me into doing something about it.  So one rainy Monday after work, I bought a bog-standard jug blender, some spinach and a few apples and decided to give the whole green smoothie thing a bit of a twirl.

Two months later?  Hello, convert.

Let me tell you, green smoothies = the way.  Reasonably cheap, absurdly easy to make and so unbelievably good for you you could almost indulge in guilt-free cheese and cake nobbling for the whole of the rest of the day.  My favourite smoothie consists of a handful each of spinach and kale, a splash of fresh fruit juice, half a banana and half a grated apple.  But you can also mix it up by adding different kinds of greens or other fruits.  I’ve tried both Swiss chard and romaine lettuce and I’ve also been throwing in the occasional piece of melon or handful of berries.  There’s no end to the combinations of flavour and texture you can achieve, and as long as you add enough solid fruits, or even a dollop of natural yoghurt, a green smoothie can actually keep you full until lunchtime, or at least until half ten/elevenses.

The runaway best thing about green smoothies, however, is that they don’t have to taste like vegetables unless you want them to.  Seriously, I am not particularly enamoured by the thought of drinking liquid spinach in the morning if it actually tastes like liquid spinach.  I am, however, perfectly amenable to drinking liquid spinach if it tastes like a tropical rainforest.  And you’d be amazed at the transformative powers of a splash of pineapple juice and some grated apple – if you drank it blindfolded I swear you’d never guess it was actually a deep, luscious shade of grass.  

After a couple of months worth of green starts, I am rapidly reaching the stage where my morning smoothie is almost as important to me as my morning coffee.  Now that’s got to be progress.

Do you drink green smoothies?  Any recipe ideas to share?

Image above from here.

Running. Seriously this time. After a year’s procrastination, I finally started the Couch to 5K programme which you can download as an app if you belong to the fancy phone brigade, and which you can read about here if you aren’t.

My traditional bugbear when it comes to running is that it always seems to take such a long time. There’s the getting changed, the actual running itself, the showering afterwards… for an activity I’ve never particularly enjoyed doing, it’s always seemed like a bit of a hassle. But if this isn’t the time for things to change, I don’t know when will be. So running it is. Three times a week (gently, with lots of walking breaks and little self-admonition). To assist me in achieving ‘the goal’ which, given my novice level and multiple resolutions to practice the art of being kind to myself, I’ve set at achieving a loping 5K by the end of four weeks, I’ve roped a friend into doing it with me. There’s always safety (and, obviously, the threat of public shame) in numbers.

Eating. Salty mackerel and tuna fish cakes, even saltier parsley pesto (made by my own fair hand – well, I pressed the buttons on the blender) with gnocchi, bruschetta soaked in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, crispy focaccia bread with four kinds of cheese, oven-warm scones with butter and jam, tangy lemon sorbet… I’ve decided, as a rule of thumb, to give excessive alcohol consumption a wide berth while my feelings are all up in the air. A glass of wine (maybe two) is totally acceptable, but I have a horrible feeling that raucous gin guzzling will only really lead to tears, despair and a horrible hangover the following day which, in my current state of feeling, I can’t be bothered having to deal with.

I’m pleased to report, however, that no such restrictions operate in relation to food. In fact, I happen to think that the better I can please my taste buds the better I can please my soul (which is why, this evening, my friends and I met at a particular pub purely because of the quality of its curly fries. The fact that it does a good quiz on a Monday was a secondary consideration. What?!).

Also last week, I bought a gold miniskirt from H&M. I’ve no idea why, but it’s shiny and funky and it looks a bit like tin foil. Do I need another reason? I also upgraded my phone, cried and then laughed over this video about being alone, finished this book, resolved to think less about the future, made poached eggs for the first time, sat down with the Sunday papers and a full coffee pot, watched Clueless, started a new crochet project, enjoyed Sunday afternoon cake at my favourite place ever and decided to start keeping a journal.

What about you?

PS, thank you to everyone who left a comment on, or sent me an email in relation to, my last post. It genuinely does mean a lot to me to know that you guys are there, silently cheering me on from your various corners of the country and, in some cases, the world. While life is undoubtedly going to continue to be hard for a while, I am not for a second allowing myself to forget how much harder it would be if all of the amazing people I know – whether offline or on – were suddenly not there any more. So thank you, so very much.

Image above from here.

So the thing that happened that I wrote about rather cryptically here (for which, apologies) is that I became single again.  I say “again”, but I might as well have written “for the first time”.  With the exception of two very short months in 2008, neither of which I can remember with any great clarity (which I’m sure has at least something to do with alcohol), I have been in either one of two relationships since I was 16.  And before 16, are you really ever single?  My guess is not.  I for one was just a kid.

Let me be the first to admit that this is not a highly original dilemma.  People become single all the time.  Every day.  But I will also say that regardless of that well-known truth, it is pretty gosh darn weird when it happens to you.  When the person you are closest to in the whole world disappears from your life, just like that.  When, whether it’s through your own doing or not, you are all of a sudden faced with the prospect of no longer being part of a couple.  To tell the truth, for the whole of the first week I wandered around feeling like someone had cut my left arm off without telling me.  Off balance, out of kilter, with no idea where the thing I was missing had gone, or how I was to go about adjusting to life without it.

But life itself has a way of doing these things.  A way of shaking us up, often when we need it the most.  So for all it might hurt sometimes, and for all I have caught myself wishing once or twice that the whole messy thing had never happened, I am working hard on coming round to the idea that this is good, this is right, and that my universe is unfolding exactly as it was always meant to.  What the future holds I don’t know, what the past holds I don’t really want to think about.  All I know for sure right now is that in this moment, excepting all others, I actually feel OK.

Which brings me to blogging.  I had a conversation with my Mum the other night, during the course of which she told me that one of the best ways to get through bad things is to keep doing what you love, even if what you love cannot easily be severed from the bad thing itself.  The fact that you love it is enough to see you through.  This blog is one of those things for me.  It has always been mine in the sense that I write it, but its genesis, design and round the edges maintenance are heavily imbued with the influence of the person I am now trying to figure out how to live without.  And up until now, that hasn’t sat particularly well with the way I’ve been feeling.  I have been wondering if I should somehow be behaving or acting differently, whether I should work out a new way of being me to go along with my new relationship status, or whether perhaps I should shave my head, get a tattoo and abandon this little space on the internet.  Anything to put some measure of distance between myself and my pain.

But that’s silly.  I know that’s silly.  I wouldn’t suit a shaved head, I don’t want a tattoo, and the important things about my blog are the writing, the ideas and the sense of community and connection they have fostered.  And that’s all mine.

So here I am, still with hair and ready to blog again, to chat with you lovely people (and may I just say a quick but heartfelt thankyou to everyone who has sent me thoughts or well wishes over the past couple of weeks) and to share a few snippets of my life as it turns a corner.  And with the ‘do what you love’ mantra firmly in mind, I expect much of what you will read over the coming weeks and months to be related in some way to crochet, cycling, books or food.  To set me running in the right direction I ordered 15 balls of the most colourful wool I could find, I bought flowers, I piled my bedside high with fresh (or actually really rather musty) library books and I wrote a long list of post titles about positive, happy things WHICH I WILL WRITE ABOUT REGARDLESS OF HOW I ACTUALLY FEEL.

And with that, I will now officially stop talking about it.  My problems are starting to bore even me, I can’t imagine what it must be like for you lot.

Image above from here.